15 December 2009

I'm NOT frightful freak, really!

Excuse me while I prep my sleep meds. N lets not get on a long conversation about this one either. Want to come at me with research (or lack of it, actually), Mr. Dow (the first), N.Y. Times Owner (?) or one of first Editor in Cheif, the oligarchy and human ignorance with this one. Oh, te FDA and lack of pharmacutical research can take a long visit too... in fact, we should seuponea them...

Now... the Rest of the Story:

Been faily manic lately. Fored, not doing things like I should, ignoring life.... getting lazy, letting lack of routine controll my life. Not me controlling it.... shameful of me, actually. to digress back to this mess.
But the cause? oh my gosh - pressure feels like im inside the largest bell ever built, with the sounds of birds, smells of flowers in bloom, lack of sius problems, warmth caressingme, joy suffusing my very fiber.

The fire is back... and ive found a way to direct. Kung Fu, instead of Karate. Bend, weave, move and be as the plants of the woods, the trees of the forest. Cause it to bend, sway, move, flex. Become one with it, temporarially, and use the fire to suck the oxygen out, muting it, sucking it back in on itself.

Not permanent, but allows the explosion, the heat, passion, desire, hunger.... My God, the HUNGER!!!

I cant stand it, but I can. Holding hands, I show the person the depths, the darkness. Let them touch, feel, breath, experience how they want, knowing where and how and when it is safe to teach them.

Let them understand our prisons
the will we must use, greater than theirs, just to seem more chaotic than them.
the sadness, the loniness. the need for someone just barely like you, but sane... Who CAN be that anchor you need...

Power eats me, Passion feeds me, Curiosity drives me, Knoledge takes away bliss, but Ignorance breads fear and hate and useless crapp n consequences and waste of time and energy. NOT just a saying for breakfast anymore, boys and girls!!!

These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.