29 August 2006

"Alone again, naturally"

I feel like I'm melting. The fat that holds up the veneer of my skin is oozing out of my pores like some rotten liquid, a putrid smelling blended concoction of thoughts, feelings and memories.
If nothing lasts for ever, then what makes any one thing last forever? What makes any one thing special? Well, not much does. Everything does. It is all so short, grab what you can...
"For better or worse" always seemed like such a cruel joke to me - a lie- perpetuated by those afraid of being alone. Me, I'm stuck being alone, always. People will accept parts, like or desire other parts, but no one ever wants the whole - "the worse". They always walk or run away in a mix of disgust, loathing, anger, frustration. No one ever wants to stay around to help me.
ME!!!! (Oh ya, right, that is just being self centered and selfish, so I need to stop.)
I'm stuck with, live with, must always deal with me. I will deal with yours!!! But everyone just leaves me - alone - as always.
So, just screw society. I'll be as nice to you as much as I can as often and for as long as I can, if you do the same for me. I'll always trust people - that people don't care, won't care, so maybe I can have less stress and stop caring for others. Society is here just for an individual's own gains, helping them to protect want they have, get what they want, and control those they don't like. A bunch of lying, two faced self centered idiots living in denial of their individuality so they can live with their weakness and fears in dealing with death, loneliness, and feelings of lack of self worth.
(Yeah, it's been a rollercoaster last few days... This is a cleaned up version of some free-flow I did earlier.)


  1. Hi there! Visiting via Dream
    Writer's blog. I'll be back later to read more.

  2. Hey - Thanks for stopping by my blog - I will add your link to my blog this week.

    I will read your blog first thing tomorrow morning...:-)

  3. Wow!! Are you ever expressive! Guess most of us bipolars are though. I found you through Dream Writer's blog as well and will look on you again.

    You might be interested in my new blog as well (started just a week ago) : marjabergen.blogspot.com Yesterday I also dealt with the topic of Stigma: a passion of mine (a passion full of anger and frustration).

    See you around.


Please feel free to post a comment!

These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.