03 September 2006

Starting to Focus

I am getting myself together to build something out of scrap wood. Creativity with interesting boundaries - a puzzle of making a puzzle to fulfill a puzzling need...
I wanted to write of the joys, peace and focus this brings into my world, but I must be off - the subtle joys of low-keyed mania driving me on to stay the course on this project!

I FINISHED IT!! Joy! It is such a wonderful feeling to design a project in my head, see what kind I scrap wood I have that I can use, plan out the cuts, the procedure, and what I need to buy. Then to finally see it finished, whether a construction type project or high end cabinetry/furniture project.

It really puts me into a positive mood, but one that is slightly antsy. I want to do more and accomplish more - the depression that I feel (esp. recently) seems alleviated by this. But to get to a point, when you are depressed, to actually do something beyond the "I have to go to work so I can make money and keep the job for when I ACTUALLY feel like working". But working is even hard, knowing how I need the job and the stress with being fired or put on 'verbal attendance warning' is just slightly more overwhelming than getting up and going to work. But to do additional tasks - cleaning, things you like, some basic chores, can be so tough. That's one reason I try to do things daily, and be so picky about them. If I am not, my life spins out of control VERY rapidly - a chaotic, blender type spiraling out of control. So not only is it spinning around, it is getting chopped, pulverize, and liquefied into a state I don't recognize and that tastes awfully bitter.
Anyway, I am going to keep this joy, the joy that my job may be more hours than I expect, and go through this next week hopefully in a more upbeat manner.
Perhaps today I can finish my thoughts on either "The Demons in Me" or "Multi-trained thoughts" post later tonight.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.