Apprehension and concern with work have been forgotten. Work had gotten to the point last week where I was afraid my work/personality was getting me fired. I felt I wasn't learning fast enought (I didn't do it right the first time - too much touching up), fear that I'm being put into 'keep him busy and out of trouble' work, which sometimes, depending on skills, can be vailid. But to a 4th gen Army, it is as much of a statement that he's useless or a "looser", and how do we minimize the damage?
An uncle, the 3rd of 2 uncles & 1 aunt, was in a position of high probability for cancer. This was discovered less that 3 months of aunt dying of 2nd attack (this one was complete interior instead of medulla oblagonga (sp?)). NOW, I've been told by others that IS some really heavy shit. Really, I don't know - part of my brain seems to be obsessing in that emotional area anyway - it was just more focusing than normal... my way of forgetting was getting a bit manic, and lots of talk to distract myself. So after an indirect comment on my stupidy last week by a pissy, lazy, wanna be brute but typical gossipy bitch and then strate out told to "shut up" by another supe? RIGHT... boss gets talking if I still work, letter to him in e-mail tonight, and next time, I'm tired of it. ADA, UCLA, BBB, and all Master Gardners I know (116 of us) that this landscape company, while visually and technically good and doesn't cheat the customer, thought I was no good. AND they know I'm crazy, but still higher me on the side to help with gardening and landscaping.
I'M TIRED OF THE PARAGIN FUCKING ME. SO TIME TO USE IT AGAINST ITSELF HERE. YOU CLAIM EOE IN THIS COUNTRY/STATE/CO. BUT DON'T??
I'm tired of nice.
NOW I FOLLOW THE SYSTEM AND FUCK YOU BACK!!!
BUT....
Now I am in joy, because, there are those that need to know my mind to help them with their loved ones. Demons into Angels, personal euphoria replaces my normal hell. I am loved - I can actualy feel it now, for a while. Thanks Seatle, thanks Lawrence, thanks OP - 3 reasons to flip off death again today, instead of being enthralled by th most beautiful woman the universe has seen!
