28 November 2009

Blind meanderings Faithfully followed in the 'snow'

Tonight on Tips of the Ministry... heh, a little personal humor about some of the irony and importance of that irony here later on. But must excuse me. Need a smoke to reflect back to some of wording, cause it is dealing with faith. Need to work out the definitions of some phrases, and clarify the denotative use of some terms, I'm sure. Let me float along the ether of my mind, let the hormones rage again for a while (they've been REALLY high today, and need to remember pretty woman for a few to tire that demon out for a bit...)

[next week children, be scared. Predestination conversations raise their thick, mangy metaphysical Mohawk-rat tails...]

well, it's early morning. forgot to post - sorry "bells", let myself get distracted with Xbox...

On to what I really meant to post about. Blind Faith. Yes, that has to be one of my problems with Faith - the blindness. Being stuck in a world of patterns, which specifically seem chaotic, but on the grander scale has some consistency, and is still constrained by the same conscious constraints as others. But then, because of the 'broken-ness' (think old Linux system for math/3-D reasoning being forced to run Mac's Windows converter with Windows excel for complex calculus and Dirac equations) I am FORCED - no I MUST see things from the outside, and learn the patterns of others. That way, I know BETTER, not perfect,

(OMG the twi-moms, as those ppl are called - all shown made me think of the 5 years of trailer parks - I was raised to be an SRS mom, become physically incapable of working so I can get disability, then whine about my life and escape the same way that I would yell at my husband about if he daydreamed that way about a woman cause I'm insecure and allowed myself to get to this place - whine) {sorry - I saw that WAY to much - over 50% each year in the trailer park I lived in for years. YES, it is observation and not random stereotyping}

Okay, back to the real subject at hand. That just blew me away. Esp. being on Good Morning America. Gota be kidding. No news except for 4th day of Obama's party crashers, and Twilight the movie? How much r u being paid o perpetuate this? Free fuckin advertising? I DOUBT IT. no, not conspiratorial - just practical capitalism and repetition of know financial patterns in the social structure of the US and world.

Okay. Getting deep enough to where I need to make this comment. I am carrying on a PHILOSOPHICAL DISCUSSION. That means, in the spirit of best communication, the DENOTATIVE meaning is used. I will carry no tone in the word itself. The tone shall be evident in the verbage of the statement, and perhaps in the path of the reasoning itself. If there is a concept which is not described by my limited knowledge of words, or I am concerned about an inflection that a word may carry in it's various denotations, then I shall define a phrase to imply that and define it for our use. (sorry to seem like an ass, just want to make sure one is aware that this is as rational approach as possible vs. typical rants)

FAITH: (damn that ADD) yes, faith does require a certain amount of blindness. Certain faiths do - those metaphysical systems that involve a supernatural, spiritual, or mystical aspect. Some faiths don't. Such as the one based upon empirical experiences and highest probabilities of interaction. huh - wonder if the connections of chaos theory

(As concept of perspective and defined limits and constrained random variables) and quantum mechanics have anything to do with the faith i chose? Or even if the patterns of the mind accepted those concepts so readily, at an epistemological level at least, because I'm predisposed to such a faith by pattern of brain? Discuss amongst yourselves.)

There is an unknown required to have spiritual faith. I can't really say it's the unknown that's a fear - i trust that my knowledge of certain patterns, probabilities, and perceptions shall be consistent enough to expect a minimum level of consistency with cause and effect. To even a more fundamental level, I have to trust my perceptions as giving me not only correct information, but that it is interpreted to the same levels. For example, that a red burner on a stove means "hot" and hasn't just been painted red. That the very dark cherry, almost black red means cool. That red means hot in a certain range. That the bright red-orange means "gonna melt the fat in your hand stupid mother". If perceptions are not consistent, how can I trust that I'm seeing the same color, that the same color means one temperature, or that I'm even feeling the correct temperature? There are 7 basic combinations between those three items where things could be wrong. Then there’s the concern of how much are they incorrect?

This is not just something to toss out in a devil advocates manner, either. {although some do call me heathen, and consider me on o the damned. sorry, ed. rant}

The concern comes from more than just an epistemological point.  They come from experience.  Which becomes this vicious self-analytical systemic study of truth.  I know, from others and using both logic and 'standard patterns', that some of my perceptions and or memories are (were) wrong.  When one halucinates and knows it part (most?  all?) of the time, one gets used to not always trusting, or needing to double check the perceptions and info that the senses CLAIM I am recieving???  If I have this experience, I have to be cautious of my knowledge and experience.  If I can't trust the data input device which is giving me the info, how can I trust the absoluteness of the pattern?  Even the 'most probable'? 
It's like entering information into a data base.  However, two keys, seldom used, have been switched.  Other keys, from high to low frequency, occasionally mix up.  Letters may or may not be noticed (what if I don't have a dictionary, or it is code that fits the pattern, but an r should have been a p?  Or numbers, and it's the propper length, but do I know it really is 5.99 instead of 5.89?  Errors, both know and unknown, will be spit out.  Only the input which definately does NOT fit the pattern (that sheet was green, I haven't changed it or recolored it, so why does it look purple?  It can't, it's green) will be noticed.

The above, I believe (again, that word) leads me to be concerned, but isn't a true fear.  Not yet.  It is a rational guard put in place.  A guard that must be absolute, that I must train myself to habitually follow despite the arguments I could make at the time, the excuses on short cuts, the impulses to 'just do' wheather it's the main thought or some more subliminal base instinctive one.  I can't stop it to be able to survive.  I've remember it from junior high, possibly even grade school.  At least a few memories to consider 5th & 6th grade, even.  god, that sucked.  sucks.  i'm just starting to fully and deeply look into this.  Never tried defining it more concretely than the blueish & smokey whie cloud floating in my head - the random bright lights, the swirling, the shape and density of the edges - all which defines something to me - sub conscious meaning put into a visual map to let me decide which vectors to take - to give a basis for skewed thoughts and possible continuing epiphanies.

I'm getting this part out just cause.  I need some space to think some more, need to get on project for today.  Focus on and do what I'm trying to program myself for.

I will continue on how to discuss further the next step - the transition from empeical secularism to agnosticism, which is much easier than the next step into a particular style of a system [style - general descriptive parameters as used by philosophy:  i.e. how many dieties, geographical timescale of growth, political/social stresses during times of fluctuation in the numbers or depth of belief, etc.].  Then into a specific religion within that style.  Finally, choosing which dogmatic aspects you will define for yourself, and which you accept from the church.  (I know many who believe to some degree, and follow GENERAL dogma, but join a church for some other aspect and have no clue what it truely preaches vs pastor vs bible school teacher, or friend.
These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.