22 November 2009

More Intriging lyrics

Learning more every day. Beautiful soul sent me this.

Last week at work - massive mixed states. Weight of being family contact while parents are out of country. I have to be the "patriarch" if you will - each generation has had at least 1 military member in the family. The highest rank takes charge. Go figgure, being 4th generation with cousins having the 5th, and my child possibly being 5th? well, anyway...

New job, want to do good. So much to learn, minor details of how they like it, how to use equipment that way, how to stay motivated, and achieve perfection. I know it's my first time, but come on, by the second or third shouldn't I have done it? Thankful for analytical ability, able to focus. Must not think of uncle diagnosed with (most likely) cancer, less than 3 months after aunt dies from 2nd bout...

But then these lyrics came, nice fairly heavy metal... in one sense, made me smile as I enjoy. made me sad someone understood - not the musicians. They're artistst - lyracists - they should be able to, at the least, make it seem like they understand.

But the soul that sent it? Never, ever, EVER should have that close of a peek into my hell...

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it
So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it'
Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream
Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I've gotta lose control, be something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monsterI, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monsterI, I feel like a monster

"Monster" lyrics by Skillet
(except I would say I'll loose control, can I stop it's flow
I must confess I just became another monster)

Video on U-tube


And damn it, once again I am stuck being caught by one of my addictions - the driving urges - those that make me want to cut, to release, to scream and leap into a black hole... but in little bursts... maybe, just maybe... I can controll
These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.





Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.