Use a cuss word. Frustrated with society and the dual standards and superficial concern of current social "buzz illnesses".... p.s. remember, this comes from the depression and frustration resulting from last two days. Had to edit it a bit so the point came out without seeming like direct attacks against things I believe in. Because of anger and constant mania, I entered mix state depression. Almost suicidal. Tried to keep balance between the two, because earlier was too much of a rant and irrational to make sense, and I feel this one needs a bit mor sense. Comment if you wish, I will try to keep an eye open if you wish a bit of a better idea of the fear, hate, and isolation one feels in that state becuase very few REALLY do get where you are stuck at.
Been feeling really crappy. Over a week of building stress. Things not normally bothering me are explosions of anger and hate. Slipping into some BPD type traits... disintegrating in mood and clarity of thought process...sinking into irrationality, and one defined by monsters. Hatefull, vengfull, random creatures thrashing at the foundations of rational thought I have.
When one sinks like this, they appear different. Difficult. Sometimes even stupid, forgetfull, and unable to logically process. Then people want to think that's the real you, instead of the different you. That you are trapped, no matter what you know or see or try to overcome. Habits don't work to ease the situation. Small things become quick little outbursts that others think is the event.
WELL, THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT. We ARE different... BUT NOT LESS. If you are aware, we talk to you, tell us how our disorder is affecting us... but no give. WE are supposed to deal with it, "Be the Adult"??? Oh, but that person has IBS, food allergies... let's think of that when we make a meal. Had or have heart problems...please sit down.
But if you have Bipolar, Schizophrenia, or Psychotic... those aren't the current buzz words, so no one does anything about it. Schools and gov. support systems act like they are less than others, even despite what their precious AMA, NIMH (supported by drug grants) and the FDA (ask any researcher, THAT IS NOT the scientific method AT ALL) say about me having a disabilitating disorder.
I seem like Im nornal... Therefore I am... Act normal, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO ADAPT TO ANYTHING UNLESS IT HELPS THEM or PEER PRESSURE FORCES THEM TO.
So once again, it's all my fault because no one in this American Society takes blame for thier actions.... It is he fault of the sick weirdo.... the guy whose dreams and desires don't actually match the way he acts because the brain is broken.....
THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE CHANCE I SPENT 6 YEARS PROTECTING FOR YOU. THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE EQUALITY OF RESPECT
THANKS FOR GIVING ME THE TRUTH: that humans are basically shit, and the animals they put you in the classification of accept you better and do more to support you than the "civil humans"...