Now, it may seem to say "pre Christianity", but I am refering to my philosophical journeys with relationship to Christmas... Also have a lot of interesting articles to post, but here goes the main point.
It relates to helping understand the mixed feelings of guilt, failure, depression (I'll loosely use S.A.D. here on out, in a 'minimal sense' of everyone recieving less light, therefore less concentration of serotonin metabolite), and leading into hate and horrible emotional pain - the kind that makes it impossible to cry because you're trying to breath in... and there is that knot in your chest from all the evil you believe you have welling up into that one point around your heart - squeezing it in a hydrolic vise, waiting to be turned and milled into the empty shell you truely believe it is at that moment...
I know that I work landscaping, and that I need to get another job going. But it's hard to really get anything other that a short seasonal job, or run around doing odd jobs for friends and by word of mouth. But I still feel guilty, even when I buy presents throughout the year. That at least brings a bit of joy.
Im sorry, but I lost this one. Feeling really sick right now - have for a few days now. I will do a few links, then have to sign off. It's been 3 days that I've worked on this.