08 January 2011

Been a long, tough week

Been working for someone I know helping to remoldel and clean out black mold from his house.  Big mess of irregular meds, problems with insurance and getting scripts, staying motivated for work, and wanting to post for so long...
but motivation gone.  Think it partially started with a "head cold", and working there, even with a mask, there was so much mold (not black) and dust in some areas - esp. drywall mud dust - that it just kept dragging on with mild allergic reactions.  THEN the biggie - removing a cabinet that had been on the wall for most of the houses 140+ years~~  there was so much mold and dust that I had an asthma attack.  (We're pretty sure it wasn't Black Mold TOXICITY - none of the severe reactions of lightheadedness and massive headaches - but a horrible, horrible sinus reaction afterwards.
Add to that such irregular, inconsistent taking of meds last week - ADHD was the worst one, but the depakote also.  The 85 to 95 minute drive in the dark in the morning.  The difficult job in a place that felt like it was out in the middle of nowhere.  A VERY small town that exists as much as a historical turist location as a residential area for Platt City or Leavenworth.  Had to take everything with me, try to plan what was needed for all the jobs, then jobs change - but I guess some of the stuff can always go back with the reciepts I've kept for his and my records.  All of that was just - frustrating, but in a somewhat fatalistic sigh and confusion ~ creating anxiety and lack of focus for a while with the adjustment to all the plans and still trying to do too much so I end up doing no where near as much as I could.
and the financial thing.... don't know what's going on with unemployment, what they say is not at all what the letter in the mail says.  Can;'t really find work - no one wants someone for a few months, it seems... my return date is around first week of March.  So I keep applying to maybe get some money to wondering what is going on... yea, rah!! Sish boom ba!!

All of that has gotten me into this almost too depressed state, an auto pilot of going through the motions and finding things to keep me occupied but that require no real commitment or resolve anything - just another way for the znxious hyper people to avoid things like a procrastinator... but we're always busy, always worried about getting things done, always changing the thrust every 5 minutes cause that "one" thing will only take a minute... then 5 or 6 tangential actions later... and 40 minutes later...
Where the hell did the first 5 hours of my day go this morning?????

gotta break away from the superficial friendliness of facebook, too....
got to study for the test.
gonna rest and look at some articles for tomorrow, and do STUDY, STUDY, STUDY!!!
oh, and church, too!!

Peace and Blessings and ACA ya all!!!
Fort Bliss Studs rule!!!


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.