22 August 2006

Tellin me what I already know

Tonight I went "downtown" - a street here where I live in this small town that is basically a set of eclectic and more modern shops, where we spend time pretty much just people watching and walking around.
I met my child there for ice cream, and was a little early. My ex and my child drove by, and honked. Now, with the construction and just generally full area, I knew it would be a while for them to find a parking spot. My ex called, to be nice, and said they were quite a block a way, and would be a while. Now, intellectually, I new my ex was trying to be nice, but my feelings were more aggresive. I knew this, why did you call me to just tell me? I don't know why, but it always has bugged me. Probably from my youth - when one is more observant than the typical child, you figure out things a little more quickly sometimes than expected. When you're like me, you see it a lot differently too. Maybe too much baggage - my anti establishment questioning of authority that I learned from my youth. When you ask a question where the answer is "That's the way it is" or "Just because", anger builds up. But they're the authority, I'm the child.... and the grande school angst version of SCREW THEM!!!!! comes out - absolutely no controll over or even attempted to be placed upon the nuclear fire in your head.
Sometimes I hate authority, and I think that is why. They are so much like sheep, just follow the narrow path of conformity. Why? Why must I always play the devil's advocate?

I guess that's always why sometimes, when you are trying to help, to be nice, we seem angry. If you don't know, tell them, especially your children. Tell them you will help them try to understand. But NEVER tell us "That's just the way it is..." we know that, we are trying to understand why, so we can relate to you. Our anger is not at you, so much, but at the frustration of not understanding it all. And maybe, why we question and seem to disrepect authority. Not out of spite, but a different understanding and view that causes us to be the devil's advocate on a daily basis.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.