24 August 2006

Why suicide is logical to us

I have a friend who tells me they can't understand suicide because everything always gets better, and there is always worse things he can think of. While this is true, it gets warped inside my head, and the depression becomes worse as I think about it.
When so depressed as to contemplate suicide, it is a result of believing, and being able to rationalize, that this is the best, and perhaps only way, to make things better for everyone - you loved ones, your friends, and the rest of the world, both present and future.

When one reaches that depth of depression, they become convinced that the only way out of the pain is death - it becomes so overwhelming that it completely engulfs your senses and thought. It is like riding a home-made raft on a great wave of destruction from the largest dam ever having burst instantly with a massive amount of painful, hate-filled explosives. Logically, you see and know the thought patterns arn't typical for you, but there is no rudder on the raft, the sail has ripped in the gail of banshees wailing the pain of those who have, are, and will die a painfull death. The roar of the water smashing against mountains that have stood the test of time and are now crumbling in the wake of your sadness. That is when you realize that death, which is not only enevitable, is a must. You can't stand the pain of guilt you feel at the destruction, pain, and illusion of joy you have created.

So yes, room-mate, you're right. Things do get better. When I die... so why not hasten the inevitable and finally do the right thing? Then things will get better for everyone - not only those I hurt, could possibly hurt, but myself as well.

Luckilly, many of us listen to our rational portion of our selves, and don't quit. But many times, sadly, there are those that can't hear. For those, I am sorry. I hope all people who get this close have someone to save them, as I did my self....

1 comment:

  1. Hey Wolvie...I know this is an old post, but I just wanted to comment. This is one of the few bipolar areas I really feel like I have a connection. To me, I don't necessarily want to DIE, I just want to feel some relief, for the ongoing pain that has lasted longer than I can remember to go away, if only for a second.

    And your room-mate still has the one thing that people who commit, or ponder, suicide, have lost. HOPE. Hope that they will ever feel any better, that things will ever be any different.

    Once you're down that low, it takes a LONG time to get back up again.

    I hope you're better now. :-)


Please feel free to post a comment!

These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.