28 September 2006

Sorry it's been so long...

I have been in a bit of a short termed depression here, under a lot of stress dealing with my child's IEP and legal precedings against the school system, as well as just the general "blechk" feelings with a healthy mix of guilt, uselessness, and failure. Perhaps I'm just worried about what I need to do, and getting it done, but the mood causes me to procrastinate a bit.

Ooops, just a second, got to run and make a few phone calls so I can releave the stress of needing to do it, to just be replaced by the stress of the answers and follow-up. I just know I'm going to screw up and make mistakes - "We're only human" as people LOVE to tell me, so we all make mistakes.
YEP, we do. I make a lot. I know this. Accepting that somewhere I WILL make a mistake allows me to plan for other senarios on how to fix it. Yep, I may be setting my self up for failure, (but remember, "We're only human and we ALL make mistakes") but also am prepaired for it.
So F@#$^%$ you all who tell me not to stress about things I can't controll. Especially when you turn around and tell me the only thing I can controll are my responses. So preparing my responses so I can be at my best is setting my self up for failure?? That sounds like just more pre-programed simple responses from even simpler sheep who live in thier happy worlds of denial, blindness, shortsightedness, ignorance, etc, etc, etc.

What a rant.... sorry - that I didn't prepare you for it. But that's where the mental cookie crumbled and left it's ground in miniscule peices of a nice tasting, but functionally useless food source.
Yeah - I'm a little stressed out with manic 'flight of speech' and rapid thoughts.... maybe I will get something done, if I can only hold on to this massive pressure in my head. It hurts so much, makes weird thoughts happen - calling up memories and playing both sight and sound in my head - almost making the "back ground noise" voices come back to haunt me...
Just hold out a little longer - hold on to the gate locks a little tighter - only 3 and a half hours of work left....


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.