This weekend I realized that I must have been coming down with something. I ended up sleeping about 18 hours over Saturday, which is an ungodly amount for me. Hardly ever do that - but it is Fall allergy season, and with the way my sinuses clog and get infected from it, along with a new drug regimen this fall (compared to last fall) and that may have been part of the cause.
It did cause me to notice though, that after that, and feeling better on Sunday along with accomplishing a project that I am in a more positive, albeit slightly subdued mood. I didn't finish the project exactly like before, but with some miscommunication from customer to son (my friend) to me, it isn't surprising that we didn't notice some unusual circumstances. Luckily it is a friends father, so we have another week to get the extra (get this just 1 board) to finish the stairs on the deck, making it much more stable and nicer looking than before.
Even though I hit my room-mate's company truck, I feel okay. Guilty over my mistakes, but knowing that for the most part, I did okay. Even though I am angry at the two failures, the truck would have been possible (but my room-mate literally sleeps like the dead - I've seen him sleep with half his body on the couch, and his arm holding up the other half so he could sleep horizontally - for 3 hours), I would have been late to the project site. The other problem was somewhat beyond my scope - I was running on confused information that seemed correct until we were most of the way through the project.
It is just so awesome and nice to feel bad, but not to the point where negativity colors my actions with everything else. Feelings of low self esteem are muted, and relatively speaking, not bad. It is so weird to feel bad, but not super bad, and a new emotion of wondering if I should feel bad for not feeling as bad as I normally do. A weird conundrum of emotions that I never expected to sense, especially in this muted, grey, somewhat "fuzzy" aspect. Contemplation is required to understand this better.
Tonight I will write at least two postings, and throw them down for you tomorrow.