09 October 2006

Bordom => Depresion

Finally! Access Again!

Man, when I get bored, it sucks. Not just the bordome, but everything that comes with it. There seems to be this malaize that comes along; a melencholoy feeling of apathetic frustration. I'm frustraited that I can't find anything to do, apathetic about not doing anything, and kind of melencholic from some sort of self-pity that there is nothing to do (and not because it's my fault, but everything else's fault for not being exciting...).

It becomes a viscious, maddening, obnouxious cycle. I try not to be bored, and find stuff to do. Everything seems un-exciting, monotonous, and/or useless to do. Even the fun things of colloring, reading, playing certain games, watching fun shows I like, or even just sitting there suffering the ravages of demon guided apathy. It becomes a very anxious state of being "blah" - running in circles, almost starting a million projects, only to end up doing nothing but stressing over the possibilities and the lack of accomplishment. As the day goes on, the need to accomplish something, anything, becomes an over riding need, a hunger, to fill the raging furnace of desire, undirected in it's energies. A waste of power worse than leaving all of your house lightss on during your week-long vacation away from home. The proverbial "Did I leave the stove on?" with a "Who cares?" attitude.

It's a desperation to overcome this, but so hard. I look around, telling myself to do something to overcome this need, this desire. Hard because I have become so apathetic, neccessary to not fall into depths of depression.

I guess I can always go to OCD cleaning in a manic burst, but that has it's own stressors in a house with two 'confirmed bachlors' living the epitomy of the 'slobish male' to various degrees.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm...this is just a guess, but my therapist once told me when I couldn't find pleasure in the things I normally like to do, that was a sign of depression. I think you're on to something with the title - boredom = depression. Any other symptoms?


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.