05 October 2006

People in charge

Have you ever noticed how some people feel they must be in charge? I know I do, but it really bugs me when others, who are supposed to be working with me, seem to act as if they are more in charge.
I don't know what the problem is, but I start getting stressed. I feel like I can't express myself, or if I do, that there is an uncomfortableness that starts. I feel like I can't say anything, and if it lasts long enough, I feel that my opinions then arn't worth anything. If that's the case, why am I here? You wanted my help with this information, yet, you act as if you don't.
Don't pacify us with anything - especially pretending to care. That gets me the most. The frustration at being useless, the low self esteem that arises - sometimes devastation - it all effects my psyche, my enthusiasm, my quality and efficiency. Why am I here? Why am I doing these things? Let me go home and at least do something that will make me feel useful, or have some fun.
But a co-worker lording over me like some kind of higher position just causes anger and eventually hate. And knowing what's going on, what's happening, doesn't stop these feelings - I just have to get through the day. With my self esteem so low, it's hard to do - a major stress, and with everything else that happens or that I have to watch, my stress blows out of the water!

Be nice, be slow, and let us have a chance to talk and at least FEEL like you want us, even though, sometimes, I know you don't. Or at least have made my self feel that way. This leads to being angry, but as much at myself than anything else because I have become convinced I am useless and worthless and again, all alone.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.