11 October 2006

HUT two three four, Hut two three four

Feeling kinda odd today. Emotionally I am in a "blah-zay" state, but my mind is racing on various patterns. Looking for them, creating some, and constantly counting - counting steps I take, keystrokes I make, tings on walls. Making patterns out of doorways, tiles on ceilings, the lights. Creating multi-tiered patterns, so there are numbers within numbers within numbers.
(No, I don't watch the show - a friend described it to me, saying I would because one of the main characters reminds him a lot of me. Why would I want to see my freaky side?)

But I'm unsure of this emotional state - usually, when I am so pattern ordered, I am hyped, also. Legs shaking (okay, got that going now...), mind racing, multiple trains of thought, rapid speech, hypo sexual state. But I feel - flat. Dull. Unimaginative and boring. A mixed state? Attempts to relieve the boredom and lethargy of the past few days? A new way to get out of depression by starting mild manic symptoms to be happy again?

I am in a very confused space, and am unsure of how to procede. Which skills do I use? How much? Perhaps I'll just ride out this bumper car ride and see where it leaves me, and how bruised. Hhmmm - I think I am beginning to figure this out, but will have to think about it for a while. It may have to do with some emotional bruising that has occured between me and my ex girlfriend, who is still my best friend and really needs me right now. Now THAT'S a story.
Let me get back to you with a better idea than what I have right now.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.