27 October 2006

It's Friday!

This past week I've been dealing with a bad flu-type bug. It has kept me somewhat contemplative feeling, but without the energy to do so. At least it's Friday, and I can relax some this weekend...after everything else I need to do...
These feelings while I'm sick, if I were to define them, is a blah type mania. There is an anxious energy to become very anal in cleaning or organizing. The type of cleaning where you scrub the sink, pull out a tooth-brush for those hard to reach spots, and then wiped everything down twice to make sure I got the dirt and the cleaner off of it - scrubbing and almost reaching an obsessive state with wiping it off, rubbing in a very specific pattern about a dozen times.
I've reached an uncaring about stuff now - not quite a malaise - and don't want to work, do fun things, be with people, but just sleep. I know that is some of the illness talking, but it is also a anti-social bent. Then there are the occasional mania bursts, but it is still an internal thing - internal to my house. I do things, but don't want to be around people, so it becomes that semi-obsessive, complain and get irritated with pet peeves at my room-mates type cleaning thing.

It did get me into a sexual mania, and I may post some of that on my other site. It really is a strange thing, being sick to your stomach and obsessing over those things. Especially when you clean the kitchen, and have two 'confirmed bachelor' type room-mates. It' a level of frustration that just doesn't work well with illness. Makes it hard to focus on the skills used to stay calm, and focused. It also takes you down due to the sleep - an apathy of everything, anything, including oneself. Not a true clinical depression, just a downer feeling of uselessness, that in the spastic mania, can lead to feelings of inadaquacy if one is not carefull of the path they're taking.

Also it makes typing up posts difficult, too. As Mr. Collins says in his song, "I don't care anymore"...

1 comment:

  1. I, too, confine myself to being a hermit a lot, even though I'm such an extrovert. And, this is weird, but I've been getting this cold/flu thing every Friday-Saturday, isn't that bizarre? Your sexual feelings sound a bit hypo - be careful you don't act on anything! Easier said than done I know, when you can reason it out in your mind when normally it doesn't make sense.

    I hope you start feeling better soon! And you can come to my house and clean anytime! That would solve both our problems! :-)


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.