04 October 2006


I don't remember the song, but do remember the line "Paranoia will get 'cha"...
It does, it gets you nervous, guilty feeling, and even sliding down to depression. Fear of what was done, what will be done, and of everyone.
It compresses the heart, fills the void in the center of the body with a black energy that is cold, but wildly energetic, sucking all life affirming thoughts and feelings. It pulls one inward, into a fetal position, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
It really sucks when the paranoia comes from the constant (nearly) lack of paying full attention to my surroundings. Which is why I tell my child to watch out so much, to focus, to look around him. Paranoia about how I'm doing it settles in... Will need to tell him why I do it. It is so helpful not only in the sense of having fewer problems, but also with our own, our feelings, our fear.
I need to do things better, nicer, calmer, and try to interpret as people may be doing things.
I feel so bad about being clueless - low self esteem settles in, and the paranoia that was there? It makes me wonder if I'm going too far, or not enough.
Paranoia does get ya, but if you feel everyone is out to get you, if you feel everything you do may become a mistake, then, maybe, just maybe, you won't.
Your worst enemy, your best friend. And as the saying goes, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer". It is so close, this friend/enemy called paranoia, that it has become my only bed-mate...

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.