Fun, spastic day. Don't want to work, trying hard to get away with not working....
It seems to be much better today than other days. Don't know why, but it is an amazing one. Some nostalgic melancholy slips in, but then something comes along to make it disappear. No feelings of low self-esteem, no guilt, anger, or hopelessness fills me today. Just a simple, low keyed joy that keeps me from crashing, but not flying into an explosive mania, either.
I am missing some old friends, am missing tenderness that I have not experienced for years. It just doesn't hurt, however. Wish I knew why, wish I understood this weird moodiness I have had for days. Maybe then, I could be much more balanced and keep today's sensations lasting.
But then, there is always later today. (guess I haven't overcome my near constant belief about expecting the worse and preparing for it...)