06 November 2006


It's amazing how a weekend can change your outlook. A nice weekend, fairly relaxing, low stress, that helps you realize the insignificance of why one flips out on Friday.
Even have a few things to get done, some of it stressful feeling, I feel better.
But it could have something to do with the amazing eyes that I kept picturing all weekend long. Not sure why, but they have a serious hold on me - almost like a schoolboy crush, and I am so, so much older...
But it's fun. Nerve-wracking in an enjoyable way. Something to look forward to without looking forward to it, I guess. Not something to worry about, but enjoy. Not something to get nervous about, but excited. A nice up.

But still so much to do this week, so much to worry about, so much to make sure is working correctly. It's time to get my car tags, and my licence was suspended due to my stupidity of forgetting to take care of a speeding ticket. I thought, by now, a month after paying, I would have the letter re-instating it... But I need to get insurance after not having any for a while, and don't know if I can afford that along with the tags... and rent, and utilities, and food, and etc....

Aaaarrrggghhh, and what if those beautiful, intelligent, creative, fun, gorgeous eyes have a boyfriend??? Who cares, I'm too old anyway. I'll just keep looking, and enjoying. Alone again. Alone always. Looking and always trying to enjoy, never feeling that I truly will belong, or be with... Damn, and I thought it was going to be a cool day looking into those eyes.
(Probably will - I've done denial before!!!)

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.