13 November 2006

A semi happy, normal day. Sitting here bored, at work, waiting for stuff to do. Feeling sad and down about the state of the world. I usually never really feel hope for the masses of humanity though. Individuals, yes. But until enough single units combine, the sheep like masses are going to bleat their regurgitated rhetoric of unthinking, unknowing, ignorance of their own stupidity and shortsightedness. Yep, and then I turn around and see that I jumped head first into the mass that I detest with such heart-felt loathing and disgust at their rotting, putrid thoughts that have stagnated in the quagmire of tar that is the denial of their personal fear of the idol of death they have fallen down and worshiped.
Why must we claim individuality and then demand conformity? Why must we hold the ideal of equal opportunity, rights, and privileges while we immediately deny them to any who are not our group as we shout blame on others? Why must those that stand for those truths, those privileges, those changes, be punished? Why must they be pushed down? Why can't we get back up? Why must I always ask why like a young child?

I just feel so angry sometimes at society. Sometimes it starts as this weekend. I'll be just barely edgy, and something, like a look of superiority towards me, a comment about 'so many long haired guys here' in a, to me, negative sounding voice. I just want to jump out, take their head, let it encounter something harder than their skull with the help of my hand, and remind them that I am the fourth generation in my family to protect their right to act so asinine. I fought for individuality, yet sink to a base, common level of communication, of wanting to enforce my way as the best way, the ONLY way.... It then comes back around to realizing I'm becoming what I hate, and I hate hating myself - 3 attempts to fix that permanantly and failing proves how much THAT sucks.

So I sigh, get angry, walk off, cool off, and shake my head at the reality I decided to let myself experience. No wonder I enjoy the mania...at least I'm happy for a while, blind to the idiocy and sadness.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.