13 December 2006

Intense Demons

I had to think about this for a few days, and I have finally decided to write down what I remember from the event and from reviewing the notes I made shortly after it.
It was a very intense situation where I felt extremely aggressive almost instantly towards someone. This person seems to slightly rub on people the wrong way, but to me and another here at work (who has a similar diagnosis), she is just the epitomie of what causes us to need to release the hatefull demons of death, destruction, and massive pain.
There is quite a bit of graphic detail with this - not in a slasher sense, but to show the various aspects, depth of vision, and emotional intensity that is created in this type of instant, maximized "Fight or Flight" situations. You know it's not truely that way, and when the skills are there (if I am still rational enough to catch myself and use them) I don't do too bad.

But the friend at work noticed the looks, laughed, and told me she could tell, but that it wasn't that bad to where others might have noticed. I hope so - unneccessary friction. Don't want to increase the stress of dealing with a short term temp.... However, I am noticing that as I walk by her, I tense slightly and hold my breath. A "no talking" thing - controlling an automatic reflex puts me at a more aware level of rational capability, I think.

On my other blog, there will be a post entitled "Intense Demons Personified" about this.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.