04 December 2006

Willpower - Yea!!

It's a wonderfull feeling to finally have the willlpower level to exert over myself for doing the things I want done.
Staying focused - even when not, and accomplishing more than I'm used to.
Smoking less - something that I really don't want to do due to health, financial, and perhaps just a bit due to certain someones not smoking and helping me quit.
Feelings - keeping them in check and at levels I want them to be at...
Focusing on ideas, images and people that I want/need to during the day for successfull social interactions.

Willpower is a wonderfull thing, but sometimes dangerous too. I have seen where it tries to become strong to aid the rational mind. Somewhere in there, if one isn't carefull, the desire/need to overcome the irrational mind can cause an almost aggressive "attack" on the mind. The emotional need to overcome the irrational loss creates a tie in to the 'random moodieness' that I am already feeling, and then there is the viscious explosion of the OCD cycle - need controll, lost controll, more willpower, gain controll, lost controll, need more willpower....

huh. Sorry, lost train of thought. One of the destractions I am trying to both focus on and about and not make mistakes with happened by...

Willpower can be a wonderfull thing, but dangeous too. Stay cool, be focused, think of things, maintain, do what I want to do, not what some base part of me throws out in hormornal confusion and sub-commands. Aren't they supposed to respond to a set of my memories, visual, auditory, and sensation inputs? Not to whatever imbalances that they experience from my physiology, but the re-balancing of neurotransmitters and hormones that are MINE to command from my own experiences and decision making skills. Me!!! MY CONTROLL!!!!

WILLPOWER!! Wish I had it, want it more, (wish one of the reasons I want it was slightly different so I wouldn't stress out if I was acting right or if I could act more like I would want to), and always, always need it more.

As always, Peace to all.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.