23 January 2007

Blah day

Another one of the e3ndless 5.5 - 6 hour days of frustration here at work. I don't want to come into a place where I never know when I'll leave, or if I can stay late, or should I plan things, and work so few hours. The irregularity for the last few months have been killing me. Slowly putting me into deeper and stronger apathetic-leading-to-depression moods. It makes it so hard. And then when I can get a day that actually is longer than that, I want to run home. Escape from the stress here, so I can stress about money at home. But it feels safer at home, more secured and sequestered, more calming.
Another frustration is how this mood turns into an "illness" - like I'm trying to convince myself I'm sick to stay home... boarderline depression? Or my paranoia at a higher level, relatively, due to the stress????

Notice I'm missing my child a lot, too. Have only seen my child once in about 2 weeks because of bad schedule changes, a class my ex is taking, and some changes with the therapy. No blame with what's happening, just kinda miss him. Hope next time where together we can pull it off and have both good arival, hanging out, and departure.

Now there's nothing to do at work.... Bad, bad, bad.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.