16 January 2007

Timeless Frustrations

Work is getting to be a really high level of frustrating stress. Each day is a different start time based upon the amount of work that is left and potentially available when we leave. Even the time to leave isn't really known till an hour or two before we have to leave. Sucks.
I never really before appreciated regularity. I know I like things organized so I can remember better where things are, and find them quicker. But a regular time pattern - one in which I need to block large quantities of time on nearly a daily basis, it seems that I need consistancy.
Not knowing even how many hours a week I am going to get causes great money stress. But when I am so set to go home around 3:30 to 4:00 (we used to start at 7:00 am each day), it's hard to stay that 1/2 to hour extra or so that we could possibly get if I stayed. But I have so much that I plan on doing based on being home at a regular time -- some house chores (I'm the house chore person - I'm the most fanatic about cleaning and the other room mates don't mind paying a bit of my rent for it), dinner, sometimes seeing my kid, visiting friends, or various things for my own head space comfort. I guess I'm just trying to enforce some kind of consistancy.
I just don't know what to do. My life is so under some one elses decisions, and the random fluctuations of my job, which is greater that what this particular set of clients thought it would be. The fact that I can't plan things on a regular basis seems to completely destroy my sense of balance, which then creates an access for so many potential little things to irritate more.

But then, without change, who can grow? But this isn't really change, it's constant. Constantly inconsistant, irritating, undesirable, and all around stupid. Unless you like having under-motivated, tired people from having to constantly change their lives.

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.