Man, yesterday was fairly bogus. I have never had so many thoughts take so little time in my head - a cyclical repeating of major ideas, with constant skewed paths of thought that curve, intertwine, making me feel guilty and then scared about the stuff I forgot to do.
Feeling bad about work. Worried no one likes me here anymore, worried that I'm going to be released soon because of it, worried that a few minor things can be held against me in a bigger way. Want to leave today, worried about the absenses making it look worse. Already bad because of Dr. visits... Scared my rates arn't good, that I make too many errors. I'm just so down on myself, it is starting to physically hurt.
I feel so bad I am considering sending an e-mail to my boss to appologize for myself, how I've bothered others so much, for being useless sometimes, lazy, and just a plain ol' problem to deal with my "weirdness". I will also tell them I am leaving at lunch, so they can add points to me, or fire me, or whatever. More ammo for them if they need it.
This may be one of the last posts, if I don't come back (or can't).
Hope every does well, I hope this has helped some.
Peace, good luck in all you do. May your lives be different than mine, be more at peace and find love and friends and happiness daily. May your positive lives be longer than my crappy one!
'Tis I, your old cubicle neighbor...no one dislikes you at work. Please don't worry about that. It's all gravy. I do hope you're feeling better, I'm worried about you. Are you taking all your meds? Or do they need to be adjusted?
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