25 June 2008

huh. hmmm. simple work rant?

Sorry I've been gone for a while. Lots of random lost thoughts in my head. But heard a story on NPR about neurological researcher Jill Bolte Taylor. Really cool, I think I may donate my brain to her (she has a song about this). Maybe I should let some people take MRIs or whatever. I wonder if there is any research like this going on? Anybody know?

Lost many of those thoughts I had lots of. Lost...lots...kinda similar. Well, another space into Law & Order: .... one of those. Kinda spacey and they all run together anyway. Interesting plots and lots of hot females. (yep, sexist, not apologetic, they just are!). Now a smoke. Plan to quit end of August....... yea, right. Nope, will do. Must do. Do do!!!! (he, he, he said do-do).

Random craziness gone. I'm always tired from work - working outside about 9 1/2 to 10 hours a day. Most of the time I'm by myself. It's weird, I feel two completely different ways about it. On the one hand, its nice because I don't have to deal with any one, and I don't end up trusting someone just to find out I need to redo their work to keep the quality they expect from me. On the other, sometimes things get so overwhelming that I just get really burned out. But the latter stress would be for any job. I also get to tweak things as I need to for my psych. So all in all it's better.
Except for when they do give me help, it is always a special project that would take me more than a day, so they send one extra for part of it. If it is a job with three to four labor days, I still only have one person, get it done, but make it look good!! Oh yea, just LOOKS, not QUALITY like you always brag about in your ads and all the stupid ass motivation signs they have up. Whatever. Then they tell me that my "analness" is the reason they have me do this? So I can make it look great and will do an excelent job keeping up? More stupid lies from them. Get some years in here, and go to a place that I know really cares about the work, and doesn't care about the time to be meticulous. They GIVE you that time.

This happens weekly. A special project, two times it was back problems that shortened a day, but usually it's do something else for a day. Then make up this stuff from last week cause they had me skip it, but stay on schedule. Okay, when do I do all this shit? You guys don't even like hanging at the shop past 5:00, giving us basically a max of 10 hours if we take no lunch. Max of 5 on Saturday. So my 40-50 hour week (depending on even/odd cycle) can't be done. Why are you always behind? Lucky I keep a log sheet. (Other than an excelent reference for me, it makes sure they know what I'm talking about.) You know how most people feel when you tell them things, but gee, if you can't remember a date for sure, but tell them exactly what you did, how you did it by closing you eyes? I know, not many people can do that, so sure, I can't can I? Even when they know my degrees? Even when their smart and educated people drop their jaws at all the stuff I know, prossess, how quickly I integrated and learn new info? Na, I can't do that. So here is a log sheet to hand to you as I answer your question and you see I'm right. Give me the respect of the responsibility you gave me!!!!! DAMN IT!
That B.S., along with my training, VIPs, Company Pres and CFO giving me direct compliments for my work that I do for them. Better be nice to me in a few months when I'm at a year. Or they just won't like next spring. Find someone else to deal with the crap, or GET OFF MY ASS FOR BEING BEHIND, which is a DIRECT result of all of your own redirecting and never giving me a bit of assistance when I need it.

Everyone has this, I'm sure. But to have it cycle in your head as you focus on your job, the things around you, memories, etc. All that junk that keeps pushing into my head, the pressure of all those ideas and memories and sensations and emotions all demanding to be heard and understood, crying in agony if I ignore them too long...it sometimes leads to ruts of just releasing stuff. Maybe I just need to be by myself to be moody, and get the job done. Glad I'm meticulous, or I wouldn't have this job and possible eventual respect in my field. But maybe not here....

Now to try to show them reason this morning....

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.