13 June 2008

This week has been kinda crappy. My leg has been numb a lot, I believe arthritis aggravating herniated disks. Lots of rain in this area, so just pressure on the back and pinching nerves.

My dad's best friend of 30+ years died Tuesday. Been bothering me a bit, and worried about him. Not to sure what my parents and the spouse will do.

My son has been moody, but I believe it's half normal kid stuff, aggravated by having to get him out of school, limiting his actions because he's been mildly disassociating lately, etc.

So I'm taking a true beak this week. Worked less than 45 hours for the 1st time in months, an the first full free Saturday for quite a while.

Right now I'm just trying not to doze off completely - Not that unawareness, but for those of you who've meditated (esp. the "new" mindfulness) one, or that fights or can't quite over come that last stumble into the little slive3r of death - but that awareness of sound, touch, light variations, and sometimes even smell (despite my perpetually filled sinus cavities).

I think I'm gonna take a smoke n coffee break. Maybe try something else... for just an ADD break, mind ya. Haven't left yet - cruised through some astronomy pics, tried chemistry dot com and of course, they lied about "free" - its not free to access it, just free to fill it out. Want anyone to see you or vice versa, it's pay... oh well, expected it actually, but it said see 5 for free. Two scentences about themselves with a pic, name, and city. BFHairyADeal. Now I go smokey coffee.

..... ... ... ... ... ... ... . . ... . . <-> (oh no mr bill, Darth Vader!)
.... ... ... ...
... ... ... . . . . .. ... .. . . ... .. . ... . . . .. . .. hmmm, done playing. I don't even know why I do this other than it allows you a view into one of the ways this "racing thoughts", this dificulty of mainting a focus on one subject, of trying to get through the cycle to the thoughts I need to be at - to stop the scewing, the photonic neither-both things of fundamental expresion (huh - maybe the poor photons are just confused cause they ride that state between two of the fields expressed since the brames formed and the twine twisted itself into what we feel we experience again to day (so is my rational - my logic REALLY that way, or do I need to check it? I just might feel so strongly (I've been this way before) where I create the belief, the memories, the REALITY that it actually is the rational, logical, correct truth of the matter. That frightens me. Right, if I'm broken a certain way, output is always same output for given input. If it's different, boy, I hope I figgure that out instead of not realizing it...)
Still breaking the smoke cycle... F&^$ that F&^#*(ng demon!!! Starting to win !!!!

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.