29 November 2009

more metaphysical thoughts - not quite predestination YET.

In the kindness of ways, curse you! you are making me think too much about this, and the Agnostic confusion, the Atheistic logic, the irrational confusion between normal and religious epiphanies. The screeching of cerebus’s canines, scraping across a chalkboard, as I tread water in Styx, freezing at the touch of Chiron, still resound in my mind. Making me afraid, so deeply afraid. Feeling lonely, and how religions didn't fulfill that loneliness, leading me to a self loathing for being so disgusting that even pure goodness wouldn’t want me, and evil had no use for me. Guilt. Doubt. All the precursors into the depths - down the slide. Slowly but surely. Into the state where I have to close the door and sob silently at the hollow depths echoing with pain, hatred, and the intense fire of isolation fused into a neutron pulsar of manic resettings of that depressive personal hatred that would make any spiritual hell a vacation.

Having ex-relatives who where, 'intensely fundamental' evangelical Christians (however, they have several dogmatic beliefs that couldn't be supported by biblical, secular archeological/historical, or even within the Apocrypha). They are also extremely black and white, and sometimes it seems their ministry is more work-earning-worth-prideful type ministry than bringing the grace to those who need it.

I am impressed with this shift that is coming about. As you know, there is an intense bitterness with pew parkers of ANY religion, or those who don't know what they believe, nor seem to even have thought it through.

These cats seem to be 'true believers' and practitioners. Maybe there is hope for humanity!?!?

These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.