25 November 2009

This WILL be a beautiful day! My mind working on philosophical questions like never before! Contemplating ethics, metaphysics, while examining the physics of landscaping and the bio-chem of softscaping (plant stuff). Beautiful! Fun! Fantastic! Amazing!
All because a new-old friend decided to be angelic to the demon-ish inner turmoil in my head. Poor person, they understood some of the hate, anger, confusion, irrationality. And that made my heart cleaner worrying about someone like her having to go through that pain and fear. I mean, isn't that why I have it everyday? So others don't have to?? Please, any god, if your out there, give me more and make it so!!! I know how to deal with them, I have the strength n knowledge to deal with them.
Ooops, time out. Hormonal trap n cute weather person and news anchor on. Yes, the only time pretty women look at me is when they look at the "4th Wall" - the invisible wall made of TV cameras. Yes, I'm sad. Desperate. But who wants to live with a Bipolar Person? Obviously not my inconsiderate, self-centered "Him only" world. more on THAT bitch later.

Dumb fucks. now they have ramp meters near where I live for the highways. Thank you for telling me how to do everything in this supposed FREE COUNTRY. Fuck this, I take chances, know the consequences. I can figure out how to adjust my vectors for the traffic around me.
Oh, there it is. I know what vectors are. I'm smart, not the average ignorant, stupid, blind, willingly be selfish, self centered person. I'm aware. I do think and experience Descartes!
Impulse Rant done!

Room mate rant: Be forewarned. This will be very bitter, angry, and probably rip a NEW hole in an butt check that will make constipation seem like diarrhea...

Rant Starts: I feel he's very self-centered and inconsiderate. Start off with this: Since last fall, I have come home several times to find the food I want or all my food gone. Tolitries used. Just because he's out. Why? the few times he makes money, it's because he's out of cannabis. Then he buys as much as he can, and eats out at expensive place. Then he takes my stuff, and never replaces it. It has gotten so frustrating to the point where he doesn't even take responsiblility to share in purcahse of toliet paper. It's too much work for him to get off his lazy ass. "What's the big deal, dude?"
Tools are gone. I find them all over the place alot. He tries blaming it all on me, but I don't leave my shit like that. I've lost a mouse, two tools, and a blender ruined from lack of cleaning. Rusted, and glass had growth. GLASS!!! how fucking hard to clean that? rinse it? But it's NOT HIS to treat any way he wants.
"what's a few bucks, dude?" doesn't get it isn't about the money, it's about not having my stuff when I want it. It's about destroying my stuff. It's about not following through on comitments to keeping his stinky dog clean and brushed a few times a week. But takes away from playing games and trying to act smart on the computer. OOOHHH - he'll look up facts, spout them, and act like he's all smart and I'm stupid because I asked "HOW? not the fact, but the theory, the application. You one fact doesn't fit the definiton fully. Doesn't explain". Thankfully, many times the other room mate has stepped in and told me the theory. The other guy tries to act like that's not the answere, cause it makes him look bad. Like a lot of times. He just aint as great as he thinks.
His bitch: cant bring people here because of me. Yah, last fall I bitched because he wouldn't listen. So I my cleaning time I made a bit more of a pain in the ass. I talked aloud so they would here. Won't listen? Well, then hear about it till you do, shit head. He was only supposed to be here 1 -2 weeks. Was here more. Admitted he wasn't really a room-mate because he "wasnt here much (3-4 weeks per month). But wouldn't pay more when he acted like it. Bringing people over and giving them MY food, my stuff.
Then second girl who slepted outside, didn't care. The third, I came home, put up some dishes, mad about work. Ran to shower and get to friends to watch game. But that was all some big to do. Well, if his under 21 chick can't handle a room mate in a hurry? Tough shit. He likes to be daddy to "little girls" so he can feel all smart and all mighty. I know better. THAT's why the other left.
Tried telling me one room mate left because of me and my bitching. Well, that other room mate almost lost me a place to live and utilities because he wouldn't try to find work. I rode him weekly after he was $500+ in debt for just utilities, and over 2 months behind in rent. Then when he did get work because of the 3rd room mate, he still refused to pay untill the 3rd room mate told him pay or quit working. THAT BAD. Well, a mutual friend told me he mentioned to a common employer (occasion work for old room mate and current cool room mate) that the old thrid one left because of new third and his dog.
Dog has bitten me three times. Third time I hurt him. Next time he's dead. if new 3rd room mate tries anything, he's hurt too. I've been too agressive and have felt and seen the beserker blood lust I used to have before my care. and instead of being worried, I'm realishing the rush, the feel of trachea crushing. Blood and skin in my teeth. Busting joints. The "30 seconds is too long" military KILL theory. DEAD. Yes, use this in my trial. I won't deny it. The world would be better off with one less hubric wannabe poser of smarts and coolness.

And his response one time of him taking my stuff all the time: I supposedly stole some of his cannabis while he pretended to sleep in his room with his dog. RRRIIIGGGHHHTTTT. The dog who picks up on his disrespect and attitudes towards me? Would let me sneak in to hurt master? I hope he tries that again with others around. Much funny laughter would exist.

REally. I'm so close to killing him. Questioning my ethics for a loop hole that would allow it. Take away his opportunities and life. Blood slowly warming my hands and mouth. pushing broken bones through skin. ripping the skin off the dog for a rug. While he's still alive (both of them). Maybe get some drugs, sailine, and blood replacement to keep room mate awake and alive for a while. Give me a chance to experiement on pain levels and tollerance. the body's ability to heal... Demons loving to play, so sick and happy right now.

Need controll, reign them in. Chains still on and holding. Good.

Gota go, getting late.


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.