06 January 2010

It's been a while, I know.  yesterday was one of those down days where I tried to escape with lots of sleep.  The rare deep sleep that's hard to wake up from - my brain just wants to keep me in bed.  I know I need to eat for energy, and that would help, but for lack of a better phrase, it's kinda anorexic.  I just don't want to eat.  So the one thing i know to help me eat is what I use to regulate my sleep.  So I get hungry, but my depression takes the tiredness, and still overcomes the hunger to put me into sleep again.  So it's just kind of a struggle all the way around.  Hoping that something will come along that can help be a catalyst to your skills, drawing you out of the depths of a personal hell of guilt, sadness, insecurity, ignorance and fear.  To quote Jethro Tull : "Licking the boots of Fear born out of Death"  (im gonna be REAL lazy for me, and assume my memory is still correct with this band and say this is Hymn 43.  But it might be "My God")

So anyway, it was amazing how quickly I pulled out.  It took the needs of my best friend.  But in working through things with them, I was able to see my worth.  How I am needed...  The same sense that doing this has.  The same hopes - that somehow, the depression, the awareness of the depths, I can help others not sink that far, to help them come out.  Helping them work it out caused me to examine my skills, put them through their paces - and it just causes them to start working on what the depression source was.  The depressed mood, feelings are lessened because of the motivation to utilize them resulting from needed to examine the skill techniques and understand the steps they took.

and a final thing:  A video from Autism Support Network, in which a family made a "training video" for teachers and classmates.  Real cool way of thinking about it for the kids


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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.