04 January 2010

mixed ideas that might be the same...

Temporary flash into depression and leaping out.  Understanding of secular faith.  Of believing because you know it to be true...even though to some degree, that 'faith' is based upon a belief which has been shown to be consistent to the level of the sun rising each and every day...
The depth of this amazed me...  that I had this, and to a degree, the Faith of Secular Occurance.  That faith which tells you the sun WILL rise in the morning.  The faith of basic cycles repeating themselves.  The faith of emperical measurements of hundreds - thousands of items over a significant (greater than - shoot, forgot, but there is a critical % to error bar ratio...) whatever that time is, it has been nearly 100% of the time, in similar or exact situations...
From an emperical case, I can see how this Faith of Secular Occurance could transfere on to a more philosophical aspect.  Mix in certain states of mind which are very rare for many of you, but not for me (extreme euphoria, esp. after a deep, deep, clinical depression), and I can undestand how that rare euphoria could be attached to an unknown quantity, because for that person it is basically an unknown quantity.

But when your life is guided by the need to confirm patterns, the need to make sure your perceptions arn't lying - when you overcome that fear of your mind being broken and malfunctioning - then you can take a leap. 
But to accept the unknown as a truth, to believe that something is there without knowing for sure?  That's like believing that Santa Claus, the personification of your "Christmas Spirit" (oh, ya, thanks, those 6 weeks of mateialistic concern are REALLY appreciated.  just be real and dont lie to me when you act like shits for 46-ish weeks), is real and he hangs out with the elve creatures up north....

That "Leap of Blind Faith" so to say is just something I can't feel I can do now.  Because, to me, that is trusting in something which has not confirmed itself through the Faith of Secular Occurance.  You may see me as not having hope.  Your right - I don't.  That comes from a belief that things can change into something better for you.  That something magical is out there somewhere for you.  That there is an unknown in your favor.

At least I found the magical thing.  I just hope I don't destroy it like I have everything else.  I'd just love to get chewed out for that, too.
(p.s. yes, i know.  I used hope, because, in that last case of the one magical thing, i've found it)

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.