27 August 2010

Where Have I been Lately?

Well, lets see.  Trying to find work, ignoring life, having work, gardening, and just getting through life.

Back on zyprexa - even taking two 5mg's haven't done anything for me... flying high and hard and fast.

Had my p-doc say I'm addicted to pot because I believe that it mediates me as well, with no hangover or sick feeling. Even tried the seroquel for two weeks with flu-like symptoms for a few hours, occasional puking, and a belligerent crash - like I was tired.  Of course, that was because I was off the pot (so she says) and I noticed she completely ignored everything of how I said I had been off of cannabis so many times before for months to years (well, okay, mostly months) and no crash like that before.  Of course, I don't know what I'm talking about.  I'm addicted.  But I should be taking the crap Zyprexa and Seroquel, with all of their side effects, and the loss of mental processing.  THAT wouldn't be addicted. THAT's so much fucking better cause it's FDA approved.  Thanks Mr. Dow and the senators he greased and the editors of the NY Times his family... well, gave fellatio to.

But IF I NEED SOMETHING TO SLEEP, I AM ADDICTED TO WHATEVER THAT IS.  Substitute one for the other.  Am I right anyone?  Anyone who's given up an addiction? Even if you're replacing it with NA, or eating, or caffeine, or chewing fingernails, nervous twitch, chewing gum, exercise, hobbies, WHATEVER... if you need something to calm yourself, from an exterior source, THEN YOU ARE ADDICTED.   But that poor woman is SO naive... poor thing... she thinks that EVERYONE, with even one hit, has cannabis in them for 3 to 4 weeks.
One, I don't fall into the true daily user definition.  I take a few hits at night, not all day long.
Two, it isn't the 28 out of 30 days BS. I average is less than that.
Three, the rate is based on the typical quantity of fat, the average metabolism, and fluid intake.  I'm 160 lbs at 6' 2" at best ~ almost under healthy fat, not the couch potato to overweight that the typical population is (cannabis is absorbed by fat). I drink (when I'm working) typically a gallon, then another quart or two at home.  To top that off, my metabolism is a touch faster than most.  That's why I have to stay on the max end of drug intake to have an average amount of effective dosing.

And she says I don't need disability.  Okay.  Why do I loose a job so much?  Why do I have social interaction problems?  Why does my ADHD qualities get in the way? Time to switch, to a more realistic one who has a touch of what the patients reality is.  And doesn't try to force them into their reality cause the believe that's the best.  No, she knows what the average person needs on average.  Not the extreme ended person.  We may not even be able to reach that area.  Hell, after experiencing the average for so long, I don't want to be like it at all!!!!!!!!! 
10% of 10%

Back to the next one.  Got work, but no drugs. oops, better call and follow up on the caring, loving doctor.  Wonder what stock she has? wonder what unspoken motives there are with the office I go to? How much back scratching between the state, drug companies, this particular clinic, and the doctors?  I'm guessing at least as bad as a general practitioner with their own shingles...

okay. post then talk more about a question someone asked.  Can you psych yourself out to or not need drugs???

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These are the thoughts and feelings as they happen. The subject matter and verbage may be of a more mature nature, and may be considered sensitive by some. In respect for that, I shall try to remember to give headers (with some space before post) and attempt to just "suggest" sensitive verbage.

Peace, Blessings, I hope this can help some.